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Jan Bee Landman

E-Articles

Better Fiction Writing in Ten Not So Easy Steps

1. Write
This sounds so simple that it seems stupid. But it's not. The notion that you must be inspired to write is bunk. As is writer's block. Ever heard of scientist's block or plumber's block? Of course you haven't. Sit down and begin. Stay at it. Writing badly is better than not writing at all. Bad stuff will give you ideas for improvement. And then you'll be on your way again. Once you get into the habit, you'll find that you'll soon be writing too much rather than too little.

2. Learn your craft
Learn the ins and outs of language. A thorough foundation is indispensable. Don’t think you can get by on talent alone. Study grammars, syntaxes, books on style. You must want to know how the language works. If you don’t love language, there's no point in wanting to become a writer. If you do, the Complete Plain Words by Ernest Gowers is a great place to start. (You can find a used copy through www.bookfinder.com)

3. Build a vocabulary
The bigger, the better. Get dictionaries, thesauri, pore over them, delve into them. Never accept that you don't know the exact meaning of a word. It's your business to know. The more words you know, the greater your ability will be. We users of English are very fortunate. We have what is undoubtedly the best dictionary in any language. The OED. In the past you needed a yard of shelf space to store it. Now it comes on CD. Own it, even if you have to sell the family heirlooms to get the money. [www.oup.co.uk]

4. Learn from older masters
Newer is not automatically better. That's always true, but especially in our field and more so nowadays, because education has been dumbed down dramatically, mainly for politically-correct reasons. Besides, there were fewer distractions in the past. Men of letters (and the occasional woman) spent almost their entire lives reading and writing. That made them very, very proficient. And even if the stuff they wrote does not appeal to you, their command of language can teach you a lot. Some giants: Livy, William Shakespeare, Samuel Johnson, Charles Dickens, Joseph Conrad, Edgar Alan Poe, Eric Blair aka George Orwell. (Most of these authors are freely available on the internet, e.g. at http://www.gutenberg.org/
http://orwell.ru/library/index_en .

5. Brainstorm
Actively look for ideas. They're everywhere. Newspapers, rumors, gossip, anecdotes. Books with extracts of other books are great for finding plots. Keep notes. Forget about fancy brainstorming programs. They're a waste of time and money. A piece of paper and a pen will do just as nicely. Set aside 15 minutes a day, let your mind wander and jot down your thoughts. When you've filled a page, there's bound to be something useful on it.

6. Don't be too clever
A bit of fancy writing is okay. A happy turn of phrase, original adjunct or striking metaphor can add enormous freshness to your work. But don't pile them up. They'll weigh your story down.

7. Be a writer not a buffoon
Some people think that a creative profession demands odd behavior. Nonsense. Many of the greatest artists were very dull and unassuming people. They reserved their extraordinary qualities for their work. Don't waste energy on appearances. If you happen to be odd to begin with, that's perfectly all right. But don't pretend.

8. Use your own voice
Write from personal experience (which may also be fantasy, as long as it is your own fantasy). Don't try to be someone else. It cannot be done.

9. Read well
Professionally. Not as a reader but as a writer. Learn from your reading. If it makes you cheerful or sad, try to discover how the writer achieved that effect. But don't read just before you write or you'll automatically take over the style you've just been reading.

10. Learn everything
Ideally a writer should know everything he writes about. The internet offers easy access to all human knowledge. So ignorance is no longer an excuse. Unfortunately much ignorance is wilfully pursued by the incurably stupid. Studies have shown that many facts are distorted in the press. Political bias often triumphs. A right-winger will deny the dangers of global warming, a left-winger will play down the horrors of communism. A good writer will always seek the truth, if not for ethical reasons, then simply because untruths will ultimately be found out and devalue his writing.

How words can attract women

Writers are an unglamorous lot. If they are any good, that is. They spend most of their time at a desk, banging words out of a keyboard. That makes it understandable why popular glory is reserved for buffoons, because they are good at doing things with a ball or warbling some tune. They often look a lot better too, which is generally believed to be vital for attracting females. And of course looks are important, but not nearly as much as most people think. I once lost a girlfriend to a gorgeous Frenchman - the odious Jean-Philippe - for a week. She came running back. "He just sat there," she explained, "He never said anything. He drove me nuts."

My career as a budding writer trying to break into the big world of dating started woefully. In my early teens I was not a pretty sight. Although likable enough in many respects, I looked a nerd. At school nobody, bar other nerds, wanted to have anything to do with me. I was a walking embarrassment, too small, too chubby and too pimply, with thick eyeglasses, my hair in a ridiculous spit curl, and a mother who dressed me like a miniature accountant. This produced the loneliest spell in my life, which was especially cruel because it was at an age that normal boys and girls were gathering into mixed groups that shared fun-filled weekends at the beach, cinemas, dance-halls, wild parties and lots of other entertainments.

I sought solace in books. Mountains of them. In a matter of months I exhausted the whole juvenile section of my local library. By forging an ID card I got into the adult section, and there I began to read like a madman, stuff far beyond my age. From Livy's History of Rome via Shakespeare's plays to the modern classics and all kinds of non-fiction. I enjoyed learning about things, although it never made me forget what I was missing.

Then, one day, as a huge favor for some service I had done, one popular boy invited me to a party. I could hardly believe my luck. Given the enormity of the occasion I even rebelled against my mom and refused to wear one of my little nerdy suits but went in jeans and a shirt.

Sadly, admission to the party was as far as my privilege went. As usual nobody wanted to talk to me. My host made a few half-hearted attempts to introduce me to others, but especially the girls froze in my presence. Crestfallen I withdrew into a corner and was just contemplating early departure, when I noticed a very beautiful girl sitting alone like myself in a corner, looking just as miserable as I felt. I went to my host and asked him about her. "Oh, that's Ann-Mary, her dad has just died," he said. "It's a real bummer. Nobody knows what to say, so they all leave her alone."

To be quite honest I cannot remember whether I was moved by genuine compassion or mere expedience, but I went over and asked if I could join her. She reacted with joy and gratitude. It was the first time any girl displayed pleasure in my company. So I was delighted. My luck held, because she turned out to be a devout catholic and I had just finished a four-volume tome on the History of the Roman Catholic Church (mainly because of the fascinating and gory ways in which saints attained sainthood, but that's beside the point). It felt natural to ask about her father. Bingo! Obviously she had been aching to talk about that and we spent a few wonderful, albeit melancholy, hours together as she talked about her sorrow, her feelings, her memories, her regrets. I listened and found that my reading had prepared me for this. I understood what she was talking about and could react sensibly and articulately. Later that evening, when the music became slow and intimate, we even danced. She taught me how.

To my amazement that single event promoted me from nerd to local hero. Pretty girls even smiled at me in the schoolyard. It made me realize that words are far mightier than looks, which was very good news for an ugly duckling like me who would ultimately grow into nothing more than a big ugly duck.

Jan Bee Landman

	E-Articles

	Better Fiction Writing in Ten Not So Easy Steps 1. Write This sounds so simple that it seems stupid. But it's not. The notion that you must be inspired to write is bunk. As is writer's block. Ever heard of scientist's block or plumber's block? Of course you haven't. Sit down and begin. Stay at it. Writing badly is better than not writing at all. Bad stuff will give you ideas for improvement. And then you'll be on your way again. Once you get into the habit, you'll find that you'll soon be writing too much rather than too little. 2. Learn your craft Learn the ins and outs of language. A thorough foundation is indispensable. Don’t think you can get by on talent alone. Study grammars, syntaxes, books on style. You must want to know how the language works. If you don’t love language, there's no point in wanting to become a writer. If you do, the Complete Plain Words by Ernest Gowers is a great place to start. (You can find a used copy through www.bookfinder.com) 3. Build a vocabulary The bigger, the better. Get dictionaries, thesauri, pore over them, delve into them. Never accept that you don't know the exact meaning of a word. It's your business to know. The more words you know, the greater your ability will be. We users of English are very fortunate. We have what is undoubtedly the best dictionary in any language. The OED. In the past you needed a yard of shelf space to store it. Now it comes on CD. Own it, even if you have to sell the family heirlooms to get the money. [www.oup.co.uk] 4. Learn from older masters Newer is not automatically better. That's always true, but especially in our field and more so nowadays, because education has been dumbed down dramatically, mainly for politically-correct reasons. Besides, there were fewer distractions in the past. Men of letters (and the occasional woman) spent almost their entire lives reading and writing. That made them very, very proficient. And even if the stuff they wrote does not appeal to you, their command of language can teach you a lot. Some giants: Livy, William Shakespeare, Samuel Johnson, Charles Dickens, Joseph Conrad, Edgar Alan Poe, Eric Blair aka George Orwell. (Most of these authors are freely available on the internet, e.g. at http://www.gutenberg.org/ http://orwell.ru/library/index_en . 5. Brainstorm Actively look for ideas. They're everywhere. Newspapers, rumors, gossip, anecdotes. Books with extracts of other books are great for finding plots. Keep notes. Forget about fancy brainstorming programs. They're a waste of time and money. A piece of paper and a pen will do just as nicely. Set aside 15 minutes a day, let your mind wander and jot down your thoughts. When you've filled a page, there's bound to be something useful on it. *6. Don't be too* clever A bit of fancy writing is okay. A happy turn of phrase, original adjunct or striking metaphor can add enormous freshness to your work. But don't pile them up. They'll weigh your story down. 7. Be a writer not a buffoon Some people think that a creative profession demands odd behavior. Nonsense. Many of the greatest artists were very dull and unassuming people. They reserved their extraordinary qualities for their work. Don't waste energy on appearances. If you happen to be odd to begin with, that's perfectly all right. But don't pretend. 8. Use your own voice** Write from personal experience (which may also be fantasy, as long as it is your own fantasy). Don't try to be someone else. It cannot be done. 9. Read well Professionally. Not as a reader but as a writer. Learn from your reading. If it makes you cheerful or sad, try to discover how the writer achieved that effect. But don't read just before you write or you'll automatically take over the style you've just been reading. 10. Learn everything Ideally a writer should know everything he writes about. The internet offers easy access to all human knowledge. So ignorance is no longer an excuse. Unfortunately much ignorance is wilfully pursued by the incurably stupid. Studies have shown that many facts are distorted in the press. Political bias often triumphs. A right-winger will deny the dangers of global warming, a left-winger will play down the horrors of communism. A good writer will always seek the truth, if not for ethical reasons, then simply because untruths will ultimately be found out and devalue his writing.

	How words can attract women Writers are an unglamorous lot. If they are any good, that is. They spend most of their time at a desk, banging words out of a keyboard. That makes it understandable why popular glory is reserved for buffoons, because they are good at doing things with a ball or warbling some tune. They often look a lot better too, which is generally believed to be vital for attracting females. And of course looks are important, but not nearly as much as most people think. I once lost a girlfriend to a gorgeous Frenchman - the odious Jean-Philippe - for a week. She came running back. "He just sat there," she explained, "He never said anything. He drove me nuts." My career as a budding writer trying to break into the big world of dating started woefully. In my early teens I was not a pretty sight. Although likable enough in many respects, I looked a nerd. At school nobody, bar other nerds, wanted to have anything to do with me. I was a walking embarrassment, too small, too chubby and too pimply, with thick eyeglasses, my hair in a ridiculous spit curl, and a mother who dressed me like a miniature accountant. This produced the loneliest spell in my life, which was especially cruel because it was at an age that normal boys and girls were gathering into mixed groups that shared fun-filled weekends at the beach, cinemas, dance-halls, wild parties and lots of other entertainments. I sought solace in books. Mountains of them. In a matter of months I exhausted the whole juvenile section of my local library. By forging an ID card I got into the adult section, and there I began to read like a madman, stuff far beyond my age. From Livy's History of Rome via Shakespeare's plays to the modern classics and all kinds of non-fiction. I enjoyed learning about things, although it never made me forget what I was missing. Then, one day, as a huge favor for some service I had done, one popular boy invited me to a party. I could hardly believe my luck. Given the enormity of the occasion I even rebelled against my mom and refused to wear one of my little nerdy suits but went in jeans and a shirt. Sadly, admission to the party was as far as my privilege went. As usual nobody wanted to talk to me. My host made a few half-hearted attempts to introduce me to others, but especially the girls froze in my presence. Crestfallen I withdrew into a corner and was just contemplating early departure, when I noticed a very beautiful girl sitting alone like myself in a corner, looking just as miserable as I felt. I went to my host and asked him about her. "Oh, that's Ann-Mary, her dad has just died," he said. "It's a real bummer. Nobody knows what to say, so they all leave her alone." To be quite honest I cannot remember whether I was moved by genuine compassion or mere expedience, but I went over and asked if I could join her. She reacted with joy and gratitude. It was the first time any girl displayed pleasure in my company. So I was delighted. My luck held, because she turned out to be a devout catholic and I had just finished a four-volume tome on the History of the Roman Catholic Church (mainly because of the fascinating and gory ways in which saints attained sainthood, but that's beside the point). It felt natural to ask about her father. Bingo! Obviously she had been aching to talk about that and we spent a few wonderful, albeit melancholy, hours together as she talked about her sorrow, her feelings, her memories, her regrets. I listened and found that my reading had prepared me for this. I understood what she was talking about and could react sensibly and articulately. Later that evening, when the music became slow and intimate, we even danced. She taught me how. To my amazement that single event promoted me from nerd to local hero. Pretty girls even smiled at me in the schoolyard. It made me realize that words are far mightier than looks, which was very good news for an ugly duckling like me who would ultimately grow into nothing more than a big ugly duck.